Oh the joy of seeing that positive sign on the infamous stick. Joy and more joy….and the awful worry. See, I’ve had that “+” sign before and became filled with that ever so naive feeling of being pregnant and waiting to meet my baby. It’s not that easy. Not always. Not for all of us. It certainly wasn’t easy for me. Here I am a few years after the Molar Pregnancy, holding another positive pregnancy test, but this time with excitement and fear running through my veins. How do I know this won’t have the same outcome? Is this a growing, healthy baby or a bunch of molar cells that could turn to cancer?
Week 6, Week 12 go by and all seems to be going well. Every day I just couldn’t relax. I did take time to enjoy my pregnancy, but not fully. I always had this nagging feeling, the what if something goes wrong again feeling. I was so oblivious before. I just thought getting pregnant would be easy and once you were pregnant…you just have a baby 9 mos later. Little did I know how truly difficult it is to get pregnant, to sustain a pregnancy and to have healthy baby. I spent so much of my life protecting myself from getting pregnant that I never realized the true beauty, challenge and overall miracle getting pregnant would be.
Around week 12 I noticed some bleeding again. This was a rough moment. I just felt fragile right then. There’s nothing you can do stop the bleeding, to stop a miscarriage. It’s out of your hands. There’s nothing anyone can do. I felt like a failure. This was the only moment throughout my pregnancy that I felt like I was having a breakdown. It was awful. I had my 12 week ultrasound coming up in a few days. What an agonizing wait those couple of days were. You read online that all is ok, some searches said all was not ok. What a cruel feeling. Google can be your best friend or worst enemy.
Well, the days pass by and off to the ultrasound we go. I’m so nervous that my cheeks are flushed, my heart is visible through my shirt and my bladder is so full I feel it in my throat. Not only was this the day for my genetic screening, but for me, this was the day to find out if all was ok after the bleeding…..
It took 1hr b/c our baby was so active. This was ok with me. All I needed to know is that the baby was active. All else didn’t matter at that time…Not even my overly full bladder. By the way, I was asked to partially empty 3 times. Have you ever tried “partially emptying” your bladder? That is a real challenge. All your body wants to do is FULLY EMPTY your bladder. Great Kegel exercise though. Mind over matter in this case. Phew is that tough!
“Make It A Great Day–Go Inspire!”