So, I walk in to the oncologist office (no this is not setting up for a joke) feeling so sure of myself b/c my levels have dropped.
Reality check: the oncologist informed me that yes,my HcG levels went down a little, but not enough (38 to 29). He explained that I had plateaued for the last 6 weeks. When I think back on it, he was right. My weekly levels for 6 week plateau were 24, 21, 27, 34, 38, 29. I’m ranging btwn 20-40, which is really not going anywhere. I agreed. I thought I was going in for a consultation, but they did a full exam and took more blood, etc.
They then went on to explain that they (like my family Dr and specialist) have NEVER seen levels plateau, then drop w/o chemo. Alright, alright, I’ve already heard this many times. He then went on to explain that I would come every other week, get hooked up to an IV for 20mins and this chemo would run through my body. Disgusting. I would not lose my hair, but would throw up, be very nauseous and not feel like doing much at all. This is not me. Not the person I am. He wanted to get me started on chemo today, but I asked for one more week. I wasn’t that ready yet. I was expecting him to praise me for dropping to 29. This is not at all what I had planned on. Full on scared now! I began to tear up in front of the Dr. I never cry and if I do, I don’t cry in front of anyone!
The nurse took me and toured me through the chemo so that I would know where to go next week. Holy cow! This put everything, in an instance, into perspective. There we were, surrounded by really sick people. People that may not live another week, month, etc. I’m lucky! My condition is curable. Wow, am I selfish I began to think. Now my world changed. I really want to live a good life. Help people, do the right thing, be kind. I don’t care what gender, ethnic background, rich or poor–I just want to help. I can’t believe it’s all been about me. Suck it up, do the chemo and be glad that I will live to see tomorrow, hell next year for that matter. I’m really going to start getting the most out of life and treating everyone w/ kindness, respect, you name it. I’m still concerned about chemo, but for goodness sake, I’m lucky. I’ve got fantastic friends, family, in-laws, job, fiance & overall life! Thank you Lord for letting me enjoy the flowers, the snow, the sun, the rain, being able to jog, lift weights & the list goes on. Thank you everyone in my life for being in my life!
Well, I start chemo next week. After the tour they took more blood to see where my levels will be this week. Let you know how that goes!
“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”