I went for my follow up with my specialist who performed my surgery.  On march 8th my levels went up again to 34, then up again on March 15th, to 38.  This is getting very scary.  I am well aware that when your levels start to rise, that means the tumours have attached to the uterus wall and the only way to get them down is chemo (either methotrexate or acetomycin-D).  The chemo treatments can be very hard on your body.  Also, I live such a clean life w/ food, exercise, I don’t even take medicine for headaches or anything.  The thought of having to go through chemo scared the hell out of me.  Also, once you do chemo your “trying again” time gets even more delayed.  This is not looking positive for me.  I went to see my specialist 3 days ago (just got lucky–it was my 8wk follow up appt).  She said she would give me another month to see if my body would adjust itself, but that out of all the one she’s seen, they never come down on their own w/o the chemo.  I went home and cried, then got angry, then just spaced out.  I’m terrified! I just don’t want to go through this.  Why can’t any of this go the way it should.  If I feel like this, I can only imagine what my fiance is going through.  He really has no control.  He just has to sit back an watch me agonize over this.  I’m so sorry to him as well.  So, in order to move forward, I  called her back an hour after leaving and said, please go ahead and book the oncologist appt.  I now have my family Dr and the specialist telling me they never go down w/o help!  I give up, I don’t want to hurt my loved ones any longer. Let’s just get the chemo going and get all of this behind us!

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Meredith-Lynn
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 18:38:37

    I was looking up the stats of having Gestational Trophoblastic Disease again after a healthy pregnancy and It brought me to you link. In January of 2007 I was at a check up and my doctor did a beta HCG count on me because 8 weeks prior I had a tubal pregnancy that required surgery (My surgery did have complications) and I had another hormone level, so they waited 48 hours to see where it would go, and sure enough they ski rocketed through the roof. I am from PEI (Canada) and at this point my doctor had no idea what was going on or how to treat it what was going on. I was put in for blood work, ultra sounds X-Rays CT scans the whole freaking kit. Finally after 3 weeks they had found an aswer and reached out to a doctor in Halifax NS who knew what was going on and off I went to start my treatment. I first started with the injections in my hips, but after 6 weeks or my counts dropping only 5 or 6 and then going up one or two they sent me to the Oncologist. Most scarest moment of my life! I walked in there with my mother and a great friend at the time and balled, they were explaining everything that was going to happen to me, they explained I was going to have a pic line that I couldnt’ shave my legs so much to take in. I was 21 at the time and it was the worst moment of my life, actually my doctor calling me and telling me my treatment wasn’t working was this was the second. All I can remember thinking is I am strong I will get through this I will win and I will stand up tall again. They did also tell me that I wouldnt lose my hair, well me being me of course my hair would have fallen out, not all of it but a lot and it changed color as well (Due to the color in my hair) I was being treated every week on friday

    Those were the worst months of my life and I can proudly say on April 28th I walked back in to meet with my doctor and he told me all the cells were gone, I didn’t have to go through another round of treatment. I was watched extremely close over the next two years with blood work being done every week for the first year and then every two months for the second. During the 2nd year of remission I had another beta HCG come back at 16,000 I balled! I cried for 48 hours becuase I didn’t want to go through what happened again, I was put in for an ultra sound two days later only to find out I had a normal pregnancy growing and no tumors showing this time! I was filled with so much emotions! My son turned a year this month.
    Anyways I have never met, nor really read anyones story that was as bad as mine or had the chance to ever talk about it with anyone who went through the samething I did so when I found your blog I just had to read it!



  2. Inspiring Life--Inspiring YOU!
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 22:32:30

    Wow, what a story. Amazing that you were able to keep your head up and achieve your greatest goal. Congrats on your baby’s first year. Must feel fantastic. Thanks so much for stopping by to read and share your story. It is such a crazy ordeal and no one really gets it unless you’ve been through it. Family, friends, they try, but it just doesn’t make sense to them. The emotions, fears, confusion, lonliness is unbearable at times. Kudos to you for pulling through and it is nice that it has a happy ending. Again, thanks so much for sharing and I wish only the best for you. You’ve been through hell and back, so you’ve paid your dues. Hopefully smoothe sailing from here. Hope to hear from you in the future.



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