I’ve Been Touched By a Miracle

As you may have read in my last post, my oncologist set me up for my first chemo session for next Wens. Well, today I got my HcG levels back from the blood they took yesterday.  I am down to 7!!!!  I noticed during the week that my cardio was way better (better than before I was pregnant) & I was hungary a lot more.  I am hungary when I wake up, hungary through the day, back like before all of this. The Dr’s will usually count you as negative as anything under 5.  I’m so close.  Since I had a full molar pregnancy, they want me to be 1 or below.  That’s ok, I will get there! I could not be more elated today.  The oncologist’s nurse called to give me my levels and she said this is a significant drop. Everyone in the office was very happy and couldn’t believe it.  So far, so good, but a long ways to go.

My mom is doing very well and retires in 2 days.  So excited for her.  She can finally start living her life now.  I would never wish anything on anyone.  In some cases, bad things happen to good people and it benefits them.  My mom has been working out every day for one hour, going for walks, eating healthier.  She has dropped 20lbs. I am so proud of her and she is my inspiration.  I sit back and look at my situation, but she went through way more than me.  She had 6 tumors in her left breast.  She had to lose her left breast.  That is terrifying, but she has let it enable her to live better and happier.  She had totally turned her life around for the better.  How ironic, we are going through this together. She is amazing.

So, I’m feeling like I’m on cloud 9 right now.  MG keeps reminding me to take it easy, as we’ve seen things go up and down for months now.  I shouldn’t get too excited b/c the road ahead is still long and windy.  On this kind of day, I’m going to leave you w/ the most adorable picture of Tazz.  My favorite gum is Stride.  I was putting on my makeup one day when Tazz, on his own, came into the room holding a pack of my Stride gum.  This was Tazz in a nutshell.  If he found something that he wanted, but knew he shouldn’t have, he would hold it between his teeth and look down.  He always told on himself.  Here you go.  Hope it makes you smile as much as it does me!

“Make It a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Oncologist…Yikes!

So, I walk in to the oncologist office (no this is not setting up for a joke) feeling so sure of myself b/c my levels have dropped. 

Reality check:  the oncologist informed me that yes,my HcG levels went down a little, but not enough (38 to 29).  He explained that I had plateaued for the last 6 weeks.  When I think back on it, he was right.  My weekly levels for 6 week plateau were 24, 21, 27, 34, 38, 29.  I’m ranging btwn 20-40, which is really not going anywhere.  I agreed.  I thought I was going in for a consultation, but they did a full exam and took more blood, etc. 

They then went on to explain that they (like my family Dr and specialist) have NEVER seen levels plateau, then drop w/o chemo.  Alright, alright, I’ve already heard this many times.  He then went on to explain that I would come every other week, get hooked up to an IV for 20mins and this chemo would run through my body.  Disgusting. I would not lose my hair, but would throw up, be very nauseous and not feel like doing much at all.  This is not me.  Not the person I am.  He wanted to get me started on chemo today, but I asked for one more week.  I wasn’t that ready yet.  I was expecting him to praise me for dropping to 29.  This is not at all what I had planned on.  Full on scared now!  I began to tear up in front of the Dr. I never cry and if I do, I don’t cry in front of anyone!

The nurse took me and toured me through the chemo so that I would know where to go next week.  Holy cow! This put everything, in an instance, into perspective.  There we were, surrounded by really sick people.  People that may not live another week, month, etc.  I’m lucky! My condition is curable. Wow, am I selfish I began to think.  Now my world changed.  I really want to live a good life. Help people, do the right thing, be kind.  I don’t care what gender, ethnic background, rich or poor–I just want to help.  I can’t believe it’s all been about me. Suck it up, do the chemo and be glad that I will live to see tomorrow, hell next year for that matter.  I’m really going to start getting the most out of life and treating everyone w/ kindness, respect, you name it.  I’m still concerned about chemo, but for goodness sake, I’m lucky.  I’ve got fantastic friends, family, in-laws, job, fiance & overall life! Thank you Lord for letting me enjoy the flowers, the snow, the sun, the rain, being able to jog, lift weights & the list goes on.  Thank you everyone in my life for being in my life!

Well, I start chemo next week.  After the tour they took more blood to see where my levels will be this week.  Let you know how that goes!

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Going Down…??!!

First, I want to wish my mom and Aunt a Happy Bday.  Their bday was on March 18th.  Miss you both and love you very much. Can’t wait to see you soon.  My mom, her sister, me, my cousins.

I can’t get home b/c I’m stuck here doing weekly bloodwork.  So, I haven’t even gotten to see my mom since her masectomy.  Boy do I miss my family and friends.

As I last wrote, I gave up and gave in to chemo. Oh, and I found out I was a Full Molar Pregnancy, which is the worst one.   Maybe what I needed was to just let go. Stop worrying, overthinking and just let nature take its course.  My levels came back today and were down to 29.  I found this extremely exciting.  They were coming back down.  That’s a good thing, right?

I was told to get in to see the oncologist would take 4-6 weeks. Then, I get the call that he can see me on March 28th.  That’s so quick.  My levels are going down.  Well, I’ll keep the appt and just hear him tell me all is ok, no need to worry, my levels are going down.  Wish me luck!

Specialist

I went for my follow up with my specialist who performed my surgery.  On march 8th my levels went up again to 34, then up again on March 15th, to 38.  This is getting very scary.  I am well aware that when your levels start to rise, that means the tumours have attached to the uterus wall and the only way to get them down is chemo (either methotrexate or acetomycin-D).  The chemo treatments can be very hard on your body.  Also, I live such a clean life w/ food, exercise, I don’t even take medicine for headaches or anything.  The thought of having to go through chemo scared the hell out of me.  Also, once you do chemo your “trying again” time gets even more delayed.  This is not looking positive for me.  I went to see my specialist 3 days ago (just got lucky–it was my 8wk follow up appt).  She said she would give me another month to see if my body would adjust itself, but that out of all the one she’s seen, they never come down on their own w/o the chemo.  I went home and cried, then got angry, then just spaced out.  I’m terrified! I just don’t want to go through this.  Why can’t any of this go the way it should.  If I feel like this, I can only imagine what my fiance is going through.  He really has no control.  He just has to sit back an watch me agonize over this.  I’m so sorry to him as well.  So, in order to move forward, I  called her back an hour after leaving and said, please go ahead and book the oncologist appt.  I now have my family Dr and the specialist telling me they never go down w/o help!  I give up, I don’t want to hurt my loved ones any longer. Let’s just get the chemo going and get all of this behind us!

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Hmmm….a Plateau?

Well, it’s the beginning of March and my HcG levels are not budging very much.  As of Feb 22nd they were down to 21, but on Feb 28th they went up to 27.  This concerns me.  I’ve always been told and all that I’ve researched shows that you have NO control over your HcG, which are your hormones.  There’s nothing you can do to make them drop faster, slow down, etc.  Obviously in my situation I only want them to drop faster.  What is it?  I have a hard time believing that I have no control.

Something I’ve really been in tune with lately is how damaging stress is.  I’ve always heard it, but I’m starting to think it is really as bad as they say it is.  MG decided to join a high level hockey for the last month of play.  This really concerned me b/c I don’t want him getting hurt.  The schedule that he has currently, even for only a month concerns me.  And, of course, his first game out he had his lip split wide open and teeth knocked loose w/ a high stick.  I feel butterflies in my time the entire 2.5hrs of gameplay.  Not only for his safety, but he other dimension too.  I’m competitive and I like to win! Therefore, I really want him to win.  If he’s going to play for the last month, I want him to do his best and take it all the way.  They are about to enter into playoffs. 

Is stress why my levels are trickling up or did I put it in my own head about being in the 20’s.  I don’t know, but I want to change it.  Remember I mentioned I over research.  Well, now I’ve got to go research how to take control of you mind, body & spirit.  I’ll update you to let you know how things are going.

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Here’s a memory that really makes me smile:

This is in Florence, Italy.  We had a great time and yes the dogs were w/ us everywhere.  They were allowed in all malls, restaurants, you name it.  That was the life!

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