Last Day of January

I had my 3wk for bloodwork and my HcG levels are down now to 143.  Feeling great! My workouts are back to normal.  Running, weights, interval bursts, etc, my cardio is still struggling, but I’m getting it done.  No pain, cramps, nothing. Ready to put January behind me and move on to February. 

Although, I feel very good about my HcG levels coming down so well, I know that I’m nowhere near done yet.  I’m a very impatient person, who is learning about patience.  I don’t have a lot to write, just wanted to report my levels.

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Mom and I Start Our New Journey Together

It’s been a week since my mom had her masectomy and I’ve had my 2nd bloodwork done.  Start w/ mom.  She is doing amazingly well.  She has spent the first week w/ her sister, which was great for her.  They are making her great meals.  They even have her (2 days after masectomy) walking 2 miles a day.  This is fantastic.  I would never wish this on anyone, but sometimes life’s turns work out for the better.  See, my mom’s work had changed her work hours from 7am-4pm to 7pm-3:45am.  I think that is just cruel to change a 64yr old woman’s hours to this.  I’ve been begging her to retire.  She is totally able, but that’s a scary thing as well.  MG and I have done all the work to help her and give her all her options.  Now b/c of her surgery, she is retiring March 31, 2011. YEAH!  Also, she and I are very different.  I eat healthy, work out everyday, etc.  She, until now didn’t have much interest.  Now she’s eating well, walking and working out 1hr a day.  I’m so proud of her and really look up to and admire her.  She is my inspiration.

Now to my HcG levels.  It’s been 2wks and they are now down to 482. Still nowhere near zero, but getting there.  I had completely stopped bleeding and then started back now.  The Dr’s say that is normal and not to worry.  Feeling well, doing well and MG has been unbelievable.  You really start to learn about yourself and others during times like these.  He and I have gotten even closer and I realize how much we care about each other.  He was torn up about losing the baby, but was so happy that I am ok.  He was so worried about me, but until now I never knew. 

I think sometimes we, as humans, are tested.  It’s sorda like a reality check.  I never really thought about children or wanting them.  Once I found out I was pregnant I had such a flood of happy emotions that I never thought I would have.  Now that I have lost my baby, I realize how much I want one.  I always, like so many people, thought it was so easy, so natural to have a baby.  I will never think that way again.  I now have such an appreciation for the whole process.  Again, something I took for granted that I never will again.  Please don’t take your life, loved ones, relationships, animals for granted.  Life can change at any moment and you need to live with no regrets.

“Make It a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

My Birthday!

Today is my birthday! I don’t get very excited for these anymore.  I think I should though b/c we are all lucky to live another year.  Age is just a #, it’s how you feel, how you act.  We should all feel very positive to get to enjoy another day, another year. So, yeah, I am excited about my birthday!

Tonight, we are celebrating my bday, but also having a sibling dinner for MG’s siblings.  We decided this Christmas (2010) that instead of buying each other gift certificates and things that we would all enjoy a dinner out together.  No children, no parents, nothing but a good time, great conversation and being friends.  Still no one knows of me being pregnant, the troubles, surgery, nothing! I plan on keeping it this way for a while.  I don’t want to put that stress on anyone else.  I already fell bad that mine and MG’s parents have to worry. 

We had a great night.  It’s so much fun to sit around all 7 of us and just be adults, no distractions.  We went out for a wonderful dinner.  See, MG has 2 sisters, one brother and then us spouse’s, so it makes for a great evening.  This is just what I needed to get my mind off of things.  We had a ton of laughs. Thanks to you all for making my bday a wonderful one.  Since none of you know what’s going on w/ me, you don’t realize how much tonight means to me.

Thank you!!!!

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

1st Bloodwork

Today is a big day.  It’s my first bloodwork since my surgery.  Since my surgery, I took it easy for about 4days after.  I started back on the elliptical and shovelling snow.  My bleeding has been heavy and light.  I have felt nothing buy great since.  Physically, my workouts are getting stronger, I love coffee, chocolate, soup again.  My lover tummy muscles are very sore.  Emotionally, I having a very rough time.  I was dealing w/ everything ok until the day after my surgery.  Now, I’m feeling very empty, alone.  I’ve lost my 2 dogs, now my baby.  It’s a very lonely feeling, something I’ve never experienced before.  Also, I feel very sad for my mom.  She’s having her masectomy in a couple of days.  I begin to think, if I was that scared of my minor surgery & I have MG here w/ me.  Who does she have? I’m here in Canada, she’s in NC. She’s divorced, has her sister and mom, but no one at the house w/ her.  See my mom is the kindest person I know.  She will give you everything and ask for nothing.  She’s more worried about me, but I can’t imagine what she’ s going through. 

So, at the surgery my HcG levels were 191,150.  Today-1wk later they are 3,140.  That’s a fantastic drop! I feel great, but my lower tummy hurts and a little burning when I go to the washroom.  They checked my urine and sure enough I did get an infection.  Because of the instruments used in the surgery, it is common to get an infection.  They are giving me some amoxycillan to treat it.

So, good news so far, but we’ll see how next week goes. 

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Surgery Day–Road to Recovery

So, today is the day for my D&C.  I view at the first day of my road to recovery.  We had a HUGE snowstorm last night, so the roads were terrible to drive on.  I can’t believe how much better I already feel. I’ve got energy again, no nausea, but a lot of bleeding.  We arrive for surgery at 10:30am for my 11am start time. I have not had any water or food since midnight.  Once I arrive, they inform me that the Dr is about 4hrs behind, for me to come back at 3pm.  OMG! I’m going to be starving, thirsty, etc.  I want to get this over so badly.  Still very nervous about the needles and the surgery itself.  Oh well, at least they are still going to be able work me in today.  I am disappointed, but there’s no reason to take it out on anyone.  They don’t want to be behind anymore than I want them to be behind.  It’s out of my control and I might as well look at the positive that I’m still getting it done today.

So, we leave, go to the grocery store to get food for when I can eat and then head back home.  MG shovels a ton b/c I can’t help.  We go back to the hospital for 3pm.  The staff was so kind and they treated me like gold.  We got the needle over with, they wheel me in to the operating room where the Dr. is.  They tell me to picture being on a beach w/ my favorite drink (diet coke and malibu rum) and before I know it I will be asleep.  I said, wait, I have one more question.  I have a soccer game in 3 days, can I play?  They just said to see how I felt and I was gone.

All went well, surgery was only about 15 mins and I woke up very quick, only 30mins.  I woke up to one of my fav songs and was dancing in bed and singing.  They made me stay another 1.5hrs just to make sure I was ok.  I haven’t had any nausea, sickness or anything and my appetite is great.  I feel really, really good.  For me, I’m ready to move forward.  I would like to than the Dr and the staff, they were all so wonderful!

A long road ahead.  I have to get bloodwork every week (remember how much I love needles) until my HcG gets to zero, then monthly for 5 months at least staying at zero.  I hope you will all join me on my journey.  It’s going to be bumpy, but I hope others of you will get something out of this.  Whether you or someone you know is going through this or to inspire you to live every day to your best.  MG has been my rock through all of this and I never realized how close we are.  I take too much for granted and that is definitely going to change.  My whole world, thoughts, feelings, actions are going to change for the better from here out.  I’ve got a lot to learn.

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Still Waiting….

I am feeling absolutely sick, nauseous, tired and hungary all day.  Problem is all food and drink just looks disgusting.  I know I need to eat, but everything just turns my stomach.  I have not thrown up at all during this entire pregnancy.  I am finally starting to deal with the loss of our baby.  I’m very sad, but I’m now at the understanding that I am not growing a baby and I’m ready to move on, get healthy and try again! From all of my research, everyone has different feelings and emotions during all of this.  I am the type that things hit me very hard, I get mad, angry, sad and then I pull my boots up and start dealing with things.  Some it may take a lot longer of a grieving period.  That is perfectly ok.  For me, I just want to put all of this behind me and get the go ahead to try again.  The concern is that you can have another molar pregnancy.  Chances are high that you will go on to have a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy and baby, but there is still a chance of things going like this again. 

So, it is the night before my surgery.  I’m wired b/c I’m terrified of needles and surgery.  I’ve had 2 knee surgeries, but I much younger. Now I worry about the surgery b/c it’s been so long since I’ve had a surgery. By the way, did I mention how terrified of needles I am.  I still get lollipops at the Dr’s office when I have to get a needle.  Anyway, can’t sleep b/c I’m so nervous.  I have to insert a drug called misoprotosone or Cytotec, which will cause a lot of bleeding and I should pass some contents.  I inserted the pills at midnight, but did not fall asleep until 2am.  About an 1.5 hrs later I awoke w/ tremendous cramps.  I was told there may be some bleeding and cramping.  I was not aware at all for what I was in for.  From 4-6am I sat on the couch in INTENSE pain w/ cramps.  I had to keep running to the washroom w/ diarrhea and a ton of bleeding.  At 6:15am I got off the couch and felt this strange feeling.  Once I got to the washroom, I passed the sac.  Immediately all the cramps, nausea ended.  It is the weirdest feeling.  Instantly, no more sickness.  I would have to recover the contents b/c the Dr would need it to test for cancer and to see if it was a partial or full molar pregnancy.  I went to sleep for 2 hrs and then had to get up to go in for surgery. What a night!  Again, anyone w/ questions, please send me your info and I will answer any questions.  I don’t want to get too graphic on this blog.

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

Ready to Move Forward!

After a weekend that felt like eternity, MG was on the phone first thing this morning working on getting me healthy again.  It has been a long weekend, finding out that I am not going to have a baby, that I need a D&C and that no one is around to help me until Monday (today).  So, he called the Dr office where the specialist is that will perform my D&C.  The secretary said that the Dr was really busy, but may be able to work me in. I was told not to eat or drink and come to the hospital and wait. Well, I haven’t eaten or had drinks since 9pm Sunday night.  We go to the hospital and wait and wait and wait.  I was miserable, but tried to think positively.  I was sicker than ever, so tired and for what?  Nothing.  I didn’t have a baby growing inside me.  When you have this type of pregnancy, your body doesn’t know yet that anything is wrong. So, you have all the pregnancy symptoms and usually times 2.  Not only do you feel pregnant, but your body thinks it is twice as far along. Therefore, I am 10 wks along, but my body thinks it is 20 wks along.  That’s why I was showing early on, I feel so very sick, tired, cold, etc.  Very depressing to feel like this and know it is for no reason.

Anyway, we sat in the hospital for 4hrs, hungary, thirsty, sad.  Finally at 2pm the Dr came to meet me.  She explained molar pregnancy a bit different than my family Dr. She didn’t make quite as scary, but explained that they needed to remove the contents soon.  She would not be able to do the surgery until Wednesday.  The thought of waiting 2 more days felt overwhelming.  I have never felt so sick.  Maybe it’s b/c I haven’t had anything to drink or eat for soooo long and that combined w/ normal pregnancy sickness was too much for my body. She ordered more bloodwork to see where my HcG levels were and another ultrasound to be sure that this was a molar pregnancy.  I appreciated this b/c you want to be sure. I would never want to have this surgery just to find out there was a mistake and it was a perfectly normal fetus. 

I really like this specialist.  She seems very confident and in control.  Well, another 2 day wait.  Waiting seems to be the theme for now.  Below is a link on what is involved in a D&C.

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/dilation_and_curettage_dandc/article_em.htm

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspier!”

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