Twice In One Year

Well, today started off terribly.  Tazz did not have a good night.  Any dog owner out there can tell you that you when the time comes.  Selfishly I don’t want to put Tazz to sleep, but I know it is the right thing for him.  I can see it in his eyes.  He’s lost his excitement, not eating, it’s just not him, it’s a shell.  I can’t believe I have lost both of my best friends in one year.  Tazz is now 11yrs old. The vets have informed me that 3yrs of living w/ Lymphangectasia (again anyone w/ questions don’t hesitate to write me directly) is a really long time for a dog.  I call my Dr. directly at home and asked her to meet me at the clinic. She is so kind b/c the clinic is closed, but she will put him to sleep for me anyway.  It is insanely difficult.  Even though it is the right thing, I just can’t imagine life w/o my babies.  I have had a dog since I was six yrs old.  My parents, grandparents, aunt all train dogs. So, when I was six my parents got me into it.  I love it and have trained ever since.  Once my dog was 5-6yrs old, I’d get another. Therefore, I have always had a dog in my life.  I don’t know how it feels to not have a dog. I’m really scared. We go everywhere together.

In the meantime, I’m the most upset I’ve ever been, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but to worry about what this stress was doing to my baby.  I had to just let myself release b/c I couldn’t not weep and be upset for my friend that was with me for 11yrs.  I didn’t feel that would be good to hold all this emotion inside. 

So, today is a terrible day.  I had to clean all the dog things away. My routine of feeding, petting, walking, etc is over. I’ve never felt so empty, lonely, sad. It was terrible when I lost Stryker, but Tazz was still there. Now, there’s nothing, no routine, no dogs, just….what? Nothing.  At least with all this terrible, I have a life growing inside me.  This baby is the miracle, the upswing. I’ve lost both dogs, my mom has breast cancer, this baby is relief in all this pain.

R.I.P. my sweet, sweet Tazz

                   Stryker and Tazz

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