Twice In One Year

Well, today started off terribly.  Tazz did not have a good night.  Any dog owner out there can tell you that you when the time comes.  Selfishly I don’t want to put Tazz to sleep, but I know it is the right thing for him.  I can see it in his eyes.  He’s lost his excitement, not eating, it’s just not him, it’s a shell.  I can’t believe I have lost both of my best friends in one year.  Tazz is now 11yrs old. The vets have informed me that 3yrs of living w/ Lymphangectasia (again anyone w/ questions don’t hesitate to write me directly) is a really long time for a dog.  I call my Dr. directly at home and asked her to meet me at the clinic. She is so kind b/c the clinic is closed, but she will put him to sleep for me anyway.  It is insanely difficult.  Even though it is the right thing, I just can’t imagine life w/o my babies.  I have had a dog since I was six yrs old.  My parents, grandparents, aunt all train dogs. So, when I was six my parents got me into it.  I love it and have trained ever since.  Once my dog was 5-6yrs old, I’d get another. Therefore, I have always had a dog in my life.  I don’t know how it feels to not have a dog. I’m really scared. We go everywhere together.

In the meantime, I’m the most upset I’ve ever been, but in the back of my mind I can’t help but to worry about what this stress was doing to my baby.  I had to just let myself release b/c I couldn’t not weep and be upset for my friend that was with me for 11yrs.  I didn’t feel that would be good to hold all this emotion inside. 

So, today is a terrible day.  I had to clean all the dog things away. My routine of feeding, petting, walking, etc is over. I’ve never felt so empty, lonely, sad. It was terrible when I lost Stryker, but Tazz was still there. Now, there’s nothing, no routine, no dogs, just….what? Nothing.  At least with all this terrible, I have a life growing inside me.  This baby is the miracle, the upswing. I’ve lost both dogs, my mom has breast cancer, this baby is relief in all this pain.

R.I.P. my sweet, sweet Tazz

                   Stryker and Tazz

Not a Happy Day

It’s the day after Christmas and I always feel a little down b/c the holidays are over.  Today is especially sad b/c Tazz is just not doing well.  I don’t think I will have him much longer, so this blog will be really short.  I need to capture every minute w/ my baby!  Here are a few photos from Christmas yesterday.

Christmas Day!!!!

Well, it’s Christmas Day here in Canada.  I love Christmas.  Actually, I always start getting excited in September for fall, then Christmas.  I always overdecorate as well.  Oooohhh, I just love the feeling of all the leaves changing, the fireplace, the family, just the whole scene.  Here’s a pic of the decorating:

Not sure you can see it that well, but that’s just the outside. Anyway, I love it.  This Christmas I’m pregnant! Yeah, I’m going to mention that a lot b/c I just love the sound.  I still feel very cold, very tired and nauseous.  I can’t stand the thought of coffee (coffee is usually my drug–I love it and get excited for every cup), soup, chocolate, etc.  Not telling anyone b/c I want to get out of my 1st trimester b4 letting anyone know.  MG was uber excited, so he’s told his mom and dad and my mom.  That’s it, no one else. 

I’m actually starting to show a little, which is strange b/c they say you don’t show on your first usually as early.  This is my first, so why am I showing. I couldn’t be very far along or maybe I was.  I kept hoping I was further along and maybe about to be over the sick feelings and entering my 2nd trimester.  Wouldn’t that be great!  Just skim right through the first.  My first appt w/ my Dr. is not until Jan 4, 2011.

As for Tazz, he’s doing ok, but not himself.  We are trying to hide it from everyone to keep from bringing everyone else down.  I’m not sure he’s going to be around much longer and this tears me up.  I can’t imagine life without him.  He and Stryker are my best friends,

Back in Canada

Well, we made it back and Tazz still is not doing the best.  Very concerned.  We have taken him to specialists in Mississauga, local vets, even to my vet when we were in NC.  No one can help.  Can’t figure out why he is not getting better.  Also, 3 days before we left NC we found out my mom had cancer in her left breast and would need a masectomy.  This is extrememly scary and I plan on going back to NC to be with my mom during her surgery.

I am still very sick and we have decided to take a pregnancy test.  Oooohhh the nerves while waiting for that darn pregnancy stick to change.  I’m very excited which I never thought I would be this excited.  Well….the stick changed to positive!!!!

An overwhelming amount of joy! I just never realized how excited I would be.

My only concern is that Tazz is still not feeling well.  I could not possibly lose both of my dogs in the same year.  AS happy as I am to be pregnant, my heart is breaking b/c I worry about my mom and Tazz. 

The word cancer is super scary.  I cannot imagine being told that I have cancer.  I have my mom eating much better and walking.  I also bought her the Suzanne Sommers book re: curing cancer.  She read it all the way through and has gotten many good ideas. 

“Make it a Great Day–Go Inspire!”

How Quickly Life Changes…

So, I am originally from Greensboro, NC.  I now live in Hamilton, Ontario Canada.  My fiance, myself and his mother all sell Real Estate together as a team for Remax.  We usually try to get back to my hometown for Christmas every December.  This Christmas was going to be a bit different though.  I had 2 Australian Shepherd dogs that are like my children.  They are part of the family and are with us always.  They are at every real estate showing, listing, you name it.  They have travelled with us everywhere.  MG used to play pro hockey so we have lived in Florida, Texas, Italy, everywhere.  The dogs went with us to all of these places.  By the way, Italy, life changing.  Most incredible place I’ve ever been.

Back to the story.  This past March, I had lost my 12 yr old dog, Stryker to lung cancer (pic below).  This is the most heartache I have ever felt.  I missed him terribly.  That’s what I mean by this being a different Christmas.  We pack the van w/ both dogs and drive to NC.  This year it would only be Tazz.  Believe it or not, Tazz was not doing that well lately either.  He was diagnosed with Lymphangectasia 3yrs prior.  Any questions on this, write me and I’ll answer anything I can. 

We arrived in NC.  It’s so nice to get back and see all my friends and family.  My best friend SV (friends since 4yrs old) now has a baby and he’s so cute.  Always look forward to seeing him and all of her family.  They are basically like my family.

While in NC, I noticed that I felt so nauseaus every day and my cardio was really lagging.  Brushed it off and didn’t think much about it.  See, in July, MG and I decided to stop preventing a family, but weren’t going to try.  I think sometimes you can try too much and stress yourself out, therefore, never getting pregnant.  So, whatever happens, happens.  So, when I was feeling strange, I thought possibly, but had no idea about being pregnant, didn’t know the signs.  We had a great visit and made it back to Canada on Dec 20, 2010.  Always come back here to celebrate b/c there’s young children on MG’s side, so it’s really fun to watch them.

Make it a Great day!! (I’m stealing this tagline from my grandmother–MommaB

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